Turn Your Bedroom Into a Hotel Room
The key to any orgasm is for you to be relaxed and focused solely on pleasure, says Nagoski. The more tuned in you are, the better your chances are of having a long, intense climax.
So start by setting the mood. If you’re keyed up after a stressful day, ask him for a back massage to ease you into a more laid-back state. Turn off your cell phones, lock your doors, hit the lights, and put on the slow jams: Music and candlelight will help calm your central nervous system, says licensed marriage and sex therapist Kat Van Kirk, Ph.D.
Shower Each Other With Compliments
If you feel self-conscious, it will sap you sex drive faster than one of the five worst sex positions. Insecurity distracts you and inhibits your pleasure, says Nagoski. But if you feel smoking hot, you’ll be more aroused and focused on the awesome sensations of sex. And that can help you experience deeper orgasms.
So get the compliments started. Show him how much he turns you on; hopefully he’ll read the cues. If you’re lucky he’ll pull you toward him eagerly, tell you how amazing he thinks your backside is, and linger as he kisses and caresses your body. Don’t underestimate the power of a well-timed “wow.”
Dirty talk can help keep your attention focused on the erotic sensations, Nagoski says. If you already know what kind of naughty language turns you on, lead the way. Otherwise, start by telling him how wet you are or how incredible he feels against you. Need some hot pointers? Check out how to talk dirty to learn the best things to say before, during, and after sex.
Don’t Underestimate Foreplay
Being brought to the brink of orgasm repeatedly will cause your arousal to spread throughout your whole body—resulting in a bigger, longer climax when you finally peak, says Nagoski.
If you love oral sex, start by guiding him to go down on you slowly and gently. Pay close attention to your response. As you get closer to orgasm, you’ll begin panting faster and you may be able to feel growing tension in your abs, thighs, and butt.
When you notice those signs, ask him to dial his speed and pressure back. Then have him speed back up to the brink, and slow it down again. Oscillate back and forth five times. Then finish big.
Make Sure All Your Bases Are Covered
Working multiple sex acts into one session can help prolong your orgasm because the variation creates more tension and arousal, says Van Kirk. You two can start with oral sex or use a vibrator to stimulate all your erogenous zones: your nipples, clitoris, vagina, G-spot, and even your anus if you’re into it. Then, when you’re both ready for penetration, take control; grind on top of him so you can control the pressure. Bonus: Ask him to use his thumb or fingers to rub you clitoris as you ride him.
Ask Him to Back Off… But Only a Little
When some women are on the brink of orgasm, their clitorises become very sensitive. If that’s the case, asking him to stimulate you more gently may help you maintain your climax for longer, says Van Kirk.
First, tell him if you want him to ease up. Lean into his ear and softly tell him if you like it gentle or hard. If you prefer a lighter touch, he should just ease up on the pressure. Another option: Ask him to try moving his finger, tongue, or vibrator to the one-o’clock spot, just outside and above your clitoris. You will either love the delicate, indirect touch or not. If not, redirect him back to where he was. Don’t be afraid to lead.